If Only
by ScarlettLovesRhett
Summary: Scarlett begins to wonder what it would have been like to be a good mother if Bonnie was still alive. Oneshot.


**If Only**

The sun rose in the east as a dazed Scarlett sat on the lovely porch. The porch over looked the big yard with the ridding arena in the center of the yard. Holding a steaming cup of coffee Scarlett sighed sadly and took a drink.

Scarlett had been like this since yesterday. Many emotions were going threw her at the moment. Normally she wasn't like this. No, normally, she was fighting with Rhett and just being herself. But now she was alone in the big house with no child and no husband. Scarlett's mind began to race. She just couldn't take it anymore.

So many thing's had happened within the past few days, Melanie passing away. She had left a small child and a loving and caring husband. Scarlett didn't just loss a good friend but she had lost her little girl Bonnie Blue in a bad horse accident. Even though Scarlett wasn't really a mother to little Bonnie but, now she wished more then anything Bonnie was still alive so, she could be a mother to her.

Moment's passed turning into minuets. Still sitting there Scarlett began to wonder what it would have been like if she would have been more of a mother towards Bonnie. She was sure that if she was more of a mother she and Rhett would still be together. Thing's should have changed the moment Rhett and Bonnie came back from London. They would have been a happy family. Just like others in the near by homes.

Instead the house had been turned up side down and inside out. It all started with the miscarriage then Bonnie, Melanie a few days later and then Rhett leaving that afternoon. Why couldn't things have been like they were in books? With her mind still wondering a voice came from behind Scarlett.

"Miss Scarlett, is ya down with ya breakfast?" a heavy black lady asked.

"Yes, Mammy, I'm done." Scarlett answered as she looked up at Mammy.

"Child what is it? I've never seen ya look so down before." Mammy wondered as she picked up the tray.

"Nothings wrong Mammy, just a little tired I guess." Scarlett reassured as the look of tried and loneliness filled her now dark green eyes. The light from her eyes had softened and disappeared over these past few days. "I was up at three. I haven't been able to sleep since-" she stopped in mid sentence and stayed silent.

"Bonnie's death and Mr. Rhett leaving?" Mammy asked as she told Prissy to take the tray inside. However Mammy knew this was the reason why. Why else would Scarlett be acting in such ways?

"What else? I've been thinking if only I had been a better mother to Bonnie then maybe-things would have been different." Scarlett announced as she choked back tears. For a few moments she thought she would loss it.

"I've noticed that ya been acting mighty strange for the past few days miss Scarlett," Mammy agreed as her eyes looked at Scarlett's tired face and knew she was lonely. "If there is anything I can do for you ma'am ya just call for me."

"Thank you, Mammy," Scarlett sighed as she handed her the cup.

"Perhaps I could get you more coffee." Mammy wondered as she held the cup in her hands.

"No, I'm fine just leave me alone." Scarlett disagreed as she put her hand to her face covering her sad and sick eyes.

"Oh, but, miss Scarlett-" Mammy started but Scarlett cut her off.

"I said go and leave me alone." Scarlett yelled as she began to loss her temper. She didn't need this right now. What she needed was a good night's sleep.

"Yes ma'am." Mammy answered as she went back inside.

Scarlett stayed out in the yard for a while as time passed. After a little while Scarlett got to her feet and made her way inside. Slowly but Sheryl Scarlett made it into the big Butler home. All the while memories could be seen through out the home. There were so many that she wasn't apart of but, oh how she wished now she was in.

Walking up the stairs and down the hall to her room she stopped at Bonnie's door. She opened the white door to revile a little girl's room. The room was just as it was the day that Bonnie was killed. Dolls, bears, cloths hung neat in the closet, a two story doll house sat next to the door and much more lay around the room. Within the white plantation doll house were two adults and a child. Bonnie would often play house and make believe that they were a perfect family, when things were going wrong at home.

The bed sat up against the white colored walls with a some what light pink. The twin size bed was made up with a light pink blanket at which sat at the end of the bed. A few pillows sat at the head of the bed, with a little brown teddy bear which Bonnie named Mr. Buttons, completed the bed.

Looking around the somewhat big room Scarlett saw many things that Bonnie would often bring to her to play with. Why didn't she play just once with little Bonnie? That might have made the little girls day.

_Flashback…_

"_Mother, will you play dolls with me?" Bonnie asked as she came into the sitting room with her bright and happy face. "Daddy's not here and he normally plays with me." _

_Scarlett didn't respond for a few moments then answered the little girl. "Alright, Bonnie, But only for a little while." _

_A smile came a crossed Bonnie's little sweet face when she heard those words. Her face just lit up with happiness. Her mother was finally playing with her. _

"_Which doll do I get to play with?" Scarlett asked as a smile came a crossed her lovely young face. _

"_This one, mother," Answered Bonnie as she handed Scarlett, a baby doll that wore a pink outfit with a little pink bow in her blond hair. . _

_For a little while they played dolls and house. Scarlett could see the glow and happiness that was etched into her daughters face. She truly was happy being with her mother. Doing things what mothers and daughters do? _

"_Mother, I like playing dolls with you." Bonnie's small voice came as she clapped her small hands together. "Can we play together more often? It gets lonely when daddy is away on business." _

_Scarlett was shocked and dumbfounded about what to say or do. After looking her young daughter in the eyes she finally answered. "Oh, Bonnie, of course I will." She hugged her daughter close to her and knew that this would be a new beginning. "Bonnie, I want you to listen to me and listen to me good." _

_Bonnie nodded her head. "I know that I haven't been much of a mother to you over the years. I wanted to say to you Bonnie, that if you ever have something you want to ask and Daddy isn't here. You come and ask me, alright?" Scarlett told her daughter looking her in the eye. "We can play anytime you want." _

"_Really?" Bonnie asked with wide yes with surprise filled in them. "Alright, mother," _

_Scarlett nodded her head yes and knew that her daughter was happy. Bonnie yawned for the second time while they played dolls. "I think someone cold use a nap." Scarlett said with a smile. _

_Bonnie agreed with no arguing about it. Scarlett picked her daughter up and carried her to her room. "Have a nice nap dear." She kissed her forehead. _

"_Mother," Bonnie began. _

"_What is it Bonnie?" Scarlett asked putting her fingers through her daughters curly hair. _

"_Can we make cookies when I get up from my nap?" _

"_Will see, Bonnie, I will ask Mammy if we have all that we need to make cookies." Scarlett answered as she got up from the bed. She left the room. Before closing the door Scarlett looked at her sleeping daughter. Who had a smile upon her face, just like she had when they were playing. _

What Scarlett was thinking could have really happened if she would have given motherhood a chance.

Walking a crossed the room Scarlett sat in the white rocking chair next to the near by window, holding Bonnie's favorite doll. This doll Bonnie had gotten her last Christmas. It looked just like her. The dolls hair lay in dark curls down her back. The dress was a powder blue with little black shoes to match.

A single tear rolled down her soft china cheeks and onto her lap. Lowering her head she looked at the doll yet again, only this time tears clouded her vision and made their way off her long eyelashes. This truly was it she was alone in the world now. Scarlett let all her sorrows and cried, almost making herself sick. Oh how she missed her little Bonnie Blue.

**A/N**: What do you think? I thought this would be different to do. This might end up being a story instead of a oneshot but, as of right now I'm not sure. Review! Thanks:)


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